


Never Been Satisfied

by lannisterslioness



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ballet Dancer Jyn Erso, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Singer/Songwriter Cassian Andor, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:17:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9631142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannisterslioness/pseuds/lannisterslioness
Summary: Jyn has a goal set in mind after high school is over: she's going to Juilliard in NYC to study and pursue dancing, specifically ballet, as she's been dancing since she was a little girl with her mother, and former Prima Ballerina, Lyra Erso, who unfortunately passed away when Jyn was young. But she's always had that itch, that urge to pursue something else - music. It's in her blood, her father stifled his musical dreams just as she was, but for the sake of her mother, Jyn is going after dancing. However, one chance encounter reunites her with a childhood friend, Cassian Andor, someone she cut out of her life when her mother passed to keep everyone at a distance, and while their friendship slowly rebuilds, something long dormant beings to spark between them; causing Jyn to wonder if she really wants to live her life for her mother, or live her life for herself.





	1. Prima Ballerina

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The long promised High School AU finally arrives! I was gonna make it fluffy but then I wanted it to be angsty and I had to rewrite it, and on top of that I've gotten the flu, so that hindered my writing a bit, but despite all of that I kept writing dammit! So here it finally is, I hope you guys like it, I'm gonna go curl up in a ball now with a nice hot cup of tea and probably, despite my better judgement, attempt to write more for tomorrow. <3

    There was a sort of peace that Jyn always felt whenever she was alone in the studio, working herself harder than she needed to until her body would ache and bones would be screaming for some kind of relief. It cleared her head of all thoughts, giving her always busy  brain a rest from the chaos constantly running through it at all times. Even so, when her muscles would threaten to fail on her, Jyn knew it was time to quit for the day and retire her ballet shoes for the night. 

 

    “They’re going to love you out there in the city.” Leia’s voice called out from the doorway, Jyn knew she had been standing there for a while. 

 

    “Hope so.” Jyn panted out her reply, trying to catch her breath. 

 

    Leia, her one and only true best friend, was a fellow dancer herself, though she still had another two years to go before she could graduate and leave. Jyn was in her senior year of high school and ready to leave for the big city, just as her mother had so many years ago now at her age. 

 

    “Jyn, you’re the most dedicated and talented dancer here, they’d be crazy not to love you.” Leia assured her with a smile. “That is, unless you’re still thinking of the whole music thing.” 

 

    “Hmm? No, no, that’s just a pipe dream.” Jyn replied - she was going to follow in her mother’s footsteps no matter what, not chase some silly and pointless dream that she used to cherish as a child. “In another life maybe.” 

 

    “You haven’t even finished this one yet, don’t be rushing to get to the next one.” Leia replied. 

 

    “I’m not in a rush, believe me.” Jyn smirked. “I’ve got far too much left to do in this one.” 

 

    Leia gave a slight nod of approval before walking up to the bar, warming herself up with a few stretches. 

 

    “So, please tell me you remembered the party tonight and you won’t flake out on me.” Leia stated. 

 

    If Jyn were to be perfectly honest, she did forget, she wasn’t much of a party person to begin with. But this was some party that was being thrown by Leia’s older college boyfriend, Han, and apparently she wanted a wing woman with her. Jyn had a feeling Leia would be trying to set her up with someone, she always was and no matter how many times Jyn told her she didn’t have time for a boyfriend, she never seemed to listen. However, if she went to this party and suffered through whoever Leia convinced into coming to meet her, she wouldn’t have to go to another party for at least a month, and the thought of that peace was rewarding in itself.  

 

    “I remembered.” Jyn sighed. “Is your brother still driving us there?” 

 

    “Yeah, he won’t stay, I’ll just call him when we’re ready to go and he’ll get us.” Leia explained. 

 

    “I thought your brother was friends with Han?” Jyn asked curiously. 

 

    “He is, but tonight is the rehearsal for the play he’s in.” Leia shrugged. “You know Luke and his precious drama club.” 

 

    “Do I hear jealousy over the fact of that your brother got a part in the play and you didn’t?” Jyn asked with a smirk, if Leia had one flaw, it was her emotion getting the better of her sometimes, usually it was anger, but on occasions the green monster within her would take over. 

 

    “Why would I be jealous?” Leia asked, trying to hide the very real fact of that she was a bit jealous, but Jyn knowing Leia for so long knew it was best to drop the topic now. 

 

    “I’ll see you later.” Jyn said as she started heading for the exit. 

 

    “Wear something cute alright, no oversized sweaters that hang on you like a dress!” Leia called out as Jyn left. 

 

    Surely, the downside to having a best friends was them knowing you and your fashion sense all too well. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


    Jyn wore a dress, she didn't really want to wear a dress, but she knew it would make Leia happy that she actually chose to wear one. It was simple, a pale pink halter dress that flowed from her waist down, cutting off just above her knees. She head downstairs a few minutes before Luke and Leia were supposed to show up, just long enough to see her papa working away on fixing some guitar. 

 

    “Stardust, where are you going all dressed up like that?” He asked with a hint of amusement to his tone, he knew Jyn hated getting dressed up for most things. 

 

    “Leia invited me to a party, I promised her I would go.” Jyn shrugged. “What are you working on? I've never seen that guitar before.” Jyn mused. 

 

    “Oh, it's an old one of mine, I've had it since I've I met your mother.” Galen replied. “It got flooded in the basement around the time you were born, I was always going to fix it but forgot about it eventually, I was cleaning down there yesterday and saw it again, decided to finally fix it up.” 

 

    “Huh.” Was all Jyn managed to reply with. 

 

    Her father, much like herself, had dreamt of music once, though he left it as a hobby to pursue a more practical career in science to provide for his family. Galen went after it in attempts to have a safety net for them after Lyra’s dancing days were done; unfortunately they came sooner than anyone could imagine. He hadn’t touched many musical instruments after Lyra died with Jyn was about thirteen years old, so seeing him with anything other than his notebook full of scrawlings of scientific equations was a rare sight indeed. 

 

    Before Jyn could think to ask why he’d decided to bring the guitar out now, there was a knock at the door and she knew it was time to go. “I’ll be back before midnight, papa.” Jyn announced. 

 

    “Go, have some fun.” Galen assured her. “Call me if you need me.” 

 

    With that, Jyn walked out the door being greeted by a beaming smile of Leia’s. 

 

    “Look at you, wearing a dress and everything.” Leia grinned. 

 

    “Let’s just get this over with.” Jyn sighed. 

 

    “Oh come on, it’ll be fun, I promise.” Leia said. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


     The party was exactly as Jyn had expected a college party to be; too many drunken kids stumbling around and laughing or sucking each other's faces off in the corner. It wasn't her kind of party at all, not by a long shot; all she had to do was maybe survive an hour or so, then she could get her papa to come pick her up instead of having to wait for Luke or Leia. She expected Leia to flit off right away as soon as she found Han, but the both of them stayed with Jyn, had a few drinks together, and then Leia started leading her through the party to try and find the guy she had barely told her anything about. 

 

    “Oh thank god, there he is!” Leia squealed with delight. 

 

    Out of the guys that Leia was leading her to, she couldn't tell which one she was exactly talking about. They all seemed, well,  _ different _ , is how Jyn would describe them. One was tall and gangly with perfectly cut and styled blonde hair and glasses, though from the way he glared at Jyn, she could tell he wasn't the friendly type and clearly not the one Leia set her up with. The second one was about a few inches taller than Jyn, black hair and brown eyes that were constantly shifting, he seemed nervous about something but Jyn could almost tell it wasn't about her presence. The last one in the middle was somewhere between the height of the first and the second, taller than Jyn either way, with messy black hair and brown eyes that seemed to be scanning over every inch of her, with hints of a scruffy beard just barely showing; and his all knowing smirk, as if he knew something she didn't, seemed utterly familiar to her though she couldn't quite place it. 

 

    “Alright you two, go grab a few drinks or something, give these two a minute.” Leia dismissed two of the gentleman, Jyn watching the tall blonde and nervous one scurry off, leaving just the man with the familiar grin. “Cassian, this is Jyn; Jyn, this is Cassian.” Leia introduced them. “I'll leave you two to it now, but just remember Cass, she's my  _ best _ friend, do something she doesn't like and I'll make you regret the day you were born.” Leia warned him, making Jyn realize it was in fact the first time Leia had ever done such a thing while introducing her to a guy she thinks she'll like. 

 

    “I won't Leia.” Cassian assured her, though Leia held her glare before giving Jyn and brief hug and walking off back towards where she left Han in the house. “Nice to meet you Jyn.” He said, that smirk still on his face, and Jyn hated that it made her realize just how handsome he was, though the dim lighting of the house did neither any justice. 

 

    “Nice to meet you too, Cassian.” Jyn replied, trying to push aside the awkward feelings bubbling up already. 

 

    “Wanna go outside and get some air?” He asked. 

 

    “Yeah, that sounds great actually.” Jyn gave a slight nod. 

 

    Cassian caught her off guard by holding his arm out to her, Jyn carefully taking it while he guided her outside to one of the upstairs balconies, where everything was almost instantly much quieter and far more serene. Once they parted, he was looking at her again, and Jyn still wasn't sure whether she liked that or not. 

 

    “Is something wrong?” Jyn asked curiously. 

 

    “No, it's just strange to be face to face with you again, especially without the braces, Freckles.” He said, and suddenly it clicked as to why he was so familiar at the sound of her old nickname that only  _ he _ used to call her. 

 

    “Cassian Andor?” Jyn questioned, he gave a slight nod and she didn't know whether she wanted to smile or run away. 

 

    Once upon a time, back in middle school, Jyn and Cassian had been inseparable since they met in kindergarten. When Lyra died, a part of Jyn did as well, and unfortunately that had been the part that Cassian was in, cutting him out completely and dedicating her whole life to dance. She never gave him an explanation, and some part of her always knew he was still around though she refused to acknowledge it at school, but now here she was with really no escape. 

 

    “God, it's been awhile.” Jyn replied quietly, turning her eyes to the balcony. 

 

    “Five years.” Cassian stated plainly. 

 

    “Yeah.” Jyn mumbled. 

 

    “I'm not mad, you know.” Cassian said. “I got over it years ago, I got the message. I didn't even want to come tonight, I knew it was you Leia wanted to introduce me to. But...I don't know, I guess I just wanted to see if you remembered, not surprised that you didn't.” He sighed, and Jyn saw the deepest flash of hurt in his eyes when she looked to him. 

 

    “Cassian-” 

 

    “No, don't worry about it. I'll just tell Leia things didn't work out, let you off the hook. Good luck with everything, Jyn.” Cassian cut her off, and without another word, he was gone, shutting the doors behind him. 

 

    For the first time in a long time, Jyn felt the sting of hurt tug at her heartstrings. Cassian had once meant the world to her, so why had she let grief consume her and push him out of her life and memories? 

  
  


* * *

  
  
    It was one in the morning and Cassian was still wide awake, thinking about no one other than Jyn Erso, not that he ever stopped thinking about her even after all these years. But the way she looked tonight, the way she smiled for that brief moment, the way her eyes looked when they met his - she was still as beautiful as she had always been. He was lying in his bed, open journal at his side awaiting lyrics that just weren't coming to him thanks to her. Eventually he fell asleep, daydreams of Jyn still plaguing his mind, and him wondering why he didn't just let himself stay, to see her smile one more time, and maybe even stay long enough to steal a kiss. 


	2. Years Gone By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I finally got another chapter of this done! I hope you guys like this little update, I'm slowly working my way through the updates! Enjoy you guys and let me know if you like this chapter, comments are always appreciated :3

Jyn wasn’t one for dwelling on the past, after her mother had died she wanted to forget everything - every single memory before her death - and every single person that she knew before her mother's passing to spare herself the looks of pity. She wasn’t exactly sure if cutting Cassian out of her life was a conscious or unconscious decision; she was so young when it all happened after all, and somehow she’d managed to push the memories of him so far away that she’d nearly forgotten what he looked like. To be fair, the last time they spoke, Cassian still had a layer of baby fat on him with those chubby cheeks and softer features; in the matter of a few years all of that had changed. Last night when she saw him again and  _ knew _ it was him, so much of him had changed in those few years apart; his features were sharper with all baby fat gone, he’d certainly gotten taller and towered over her more than before, his voice was deeper, and there was a faint hint of stubble clinging to his jaw - Cassian had changed just as she had, though his change was far more noticeable, or at least she thought. 

 

For the first time in years, Jyn found herself thinking about Cassian, mostly thinking about the millions of ways she should apologize to him for doing what she did; her mother would be so disappointed in her for doing something like this to Cassian, someone who had been so close and practically a part of the family. He wouldn’t accept it, he had no reason to accept any apology she gave him, that much Jyn knew, but she knew she had to say something, she couldn’t keep remaining silent, that wasn’t the solution anymore. Jyn didn’t plan on going to school today despite sitting in the parking lot in her car at the moment, instead she planned on trying to find out where Cassian would be; preferably where he would be away from his group of friends he managed to surround himself with. Their usual hangouts had certainly changed over the years, they weren’t exactly hanging out at the playground or heading to the movies. Realizing she didn’t really know much about Cassian anymore, Jyn knew she’d have to just try her luck and go around the school, going to all the popular hangouts and hoping to find him somewhere - she  _ needed _ to say something to him, anything. 

 

Half the day had passed until Jyn finally found him up in the rafters by the empty football field, all alone and scrawling down something in his notebook - she doubted it was notes, but then again maybe he started to care about school a bit. She climbed up the rafters and he didn’t seem to notice or really care, but then she sat beside him and he glared over at her as if she were the most horrible person in the world - then again, she probably was after just cutting him out of her life like that. 

 

“What do you want?” He finally asked with a huff, turning his gaze back to whatever he was writing in his journal. 

 

“Can we talk?” Jyn asked. 

 

“We are talking.” Cassian replied, his tone clipped and short. 

 

“I mean…” Jyn sighed, not really knowing how to continue and deciding just on jumping right into what she wanted to say. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“For what? Not recognizing me last night? That’s fine.” Cassian shrugged, still refusing to look up at her again. 

 

“No, well yes, but no I...I’m sorry for what I did. For just cutting you out of my life and not giving you any reason or explanation.” Jyn said. 

 

“Sure, whatever.” Cassian mumbled under his breath. 

 

“I mean it.” Jyn insisted. 

 

A moment passed before Cassian snapped his notebook shut and he finally looked up at Jyn again. “You’re apologizing for just up and shutting me out? For leaving me behind with no explanation whatsoever? For cutting yourself out of my life when I needed you to be there for me as time went on? You can’t just say you’re sorry for that shit, Jyn.” Cassian started shoving his things into his backpack, standing up and getting ready to leave. 

 

“I’m not, I mean I am, but I know I can’t just say sorry for this, I didn’t think you’d accept it either way.” Jyn quickly explained, rising to her feet and hoping to keep him from leaving. “I...I wanted to ask if we could start over.” 

 

“What?” Cassian asked. 

 

“I can’t make up for what I did to you, I can’t make up for the time we lost, but...I want to be friends again. I was dealing with shit when everything happened between us, I didn’t know what else to do other than cut people out so I’d stop hurting, but I know now that wasn’t the right thing to do. We’ll probably never be the way we were with each other, but I don’t want you gone from my life anymore, last night reminded me how much I missed just being able to talk to you.” Jyn explained. “If you don’t want to, I understand, but I have to try.” 

 

Cassian hesitated, his eyes locked on hers and studying her face, he always used to do this even when they were younger, he used to say he was a lie detector and it was scary how good he was at it. When he looked away he let out a sigh, seeming to come to some kind of answer to give her. 

 

“I’m Cassian.” He mumbled out, holding his hand out for her to shake, and Jyn had to try and contain a smile to see he was willing to try starting over and being friends again, or at least being civil to one another. 

 

“Jyn, nice to meet you.” Jyn shook his hand briefly before he pulled away. 

 

“Well, if we’re doing this, I guess we should start learning about what’s changed with each other. Meet me tomorrow over at my house after school, that is if you still remember where it is.” Cassian replied gruffly before turning and walking off the other direction. 

 

“I’ll be there.” jyn promised. 

 

Why did talking to Cassian still make her feel so at ease? She could have used this years ago instead of pushing him away in attempts to save herself some possible pain in the future. For the first time since cutting him out, Jyn realized she truly screwed things up and wanted things to work out between them more than anything else now. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Why was he so willing to let her back into his life? Cassian wasn’t entirely sure he really knew the answer to that, other than, well, he missed her. Jyn had always been a large part of his life, and then she was gone without an explanation without really leaving - he should have hated her, and for a while he convinced himself that he did. Things were easier when he hated her, but that faded away sometime last year when he went to one of her performances in secret, watching her from the back of the room though he was more than sure Mr. Erso had noticed him; he must have never said a thing to Jyn thankfully. Seeing her perform was a reminder to himself that she was still alive, that she wasn’t someone he could so easily cut from his life, as much as he really wanted to...and as much as Kay had urged him to.  

 

“So you gave into her.” Kay stated, there was no need to question his actions, Kay was a man of logic, and while his logic had deduced that Jyn Erso was nothing but a source of pain for him, Cassian didn’t listen, clearly. 

 

“I didn’t give in.” Cassian protested, tuning his guitar while he and Kay sat in his garage, Kay sitting behind the drums and slightly slouched over. 

 

“You did.” Kay restated. “She apologized and you crumbled and told her you two could in fact start over, though we both know that’s bullshit, because for some reason you’re in love with the damn girl.” 

 

“I’m not-” 

 

“Don’t insult me by lying to me.” Kay cut him off. “Remember when we met and you told me she was horrible? I believed it for a while, but then I saw you look at her one day when you thought no one was paying attention, and I knew you were lying to me and to yourself.” 

 

“I don’t love her.” Cassian snapped. 

 

“Sure you don’t, and all the songs you’ve written about girls with brown hair and green eyes and being a dancer aren’t about her either, they’re all just general things that all brown haired, green eyed girls are who happen to take an interest in dancing.” Kay retorted, earning a glare from Cassian. “Do whatever you want, it’s your business, just don’t drag me into it.” 

 

“I invited her over here tomorrow.” Cassian informed him. 

 

“Would you like me here to say whatever comes to mind, or would you rather I stay home and not possibly insult her?” Kay asked, sometimes it worried Cassian how serious his questions were. 

 

“Just stay home.” Cassian sighed. 

  
“Smart choice.” Kay replied. 


End file.
